He Loves Me

Three years ago I attended a conference with some volunteers and staff from the local pregnancy center.  At the conference there was a group of ladies who wanted to bless the conference attendees in a way that sounded very weird to this Southern Baptist-raised girl.  They had been learning to really listen to what God was telling them about themselves and then went further to be able to listen what God was telling them about others.  I decided it was way out of my comfort zone and I wasn't sure at all that it was "okay" so I did not sign up to be blessed by them.  But throughout the weekend, I kept hearing from others how special it was to hear from God through these ladies words and that the things that were said spoke straight to their hearts.  A friend and I hesitantly decided we'd give it a try on the very last day.  I cannot even explain how amazing it was.  They prayed with me and held my hands and listened.  And from the moment they started speaking, the tears started flowing for me (I know, I know, that's not really a difficult feat).  My friend had the job of recording the words they spoke as best she could.  While I feel the words are personal and part of me wants to keep them all to myself, I also feel they tell a cool story about God in my life, so I'm going to share them here.

Encouraging words for Nicole  9/18/2011

I see a picture of a tree, and a heart.  You are well-rooted in His love.  There is a beauty about you and a gift of creativity.  A creativity in the uniqueness in your ministry.  You're very sensitive, caring and tender in your approach with people.  The Lord will bless people through your creativity and your love for the Lord.  You are picture perfect.  Your life pleases the Lord so much.  You are a blessing to humanity and to the Lord, not in the doing but in the being.  Your heart is poured out to the Lord, but He wants to pour to you a refreshing, an annointing in your ministry.  But there's more.  In your downloading, conversing with the Lord - He's laughing - a wonderful, fun relationship with the Lord.  Your heart is open and yielded to Him.  Walking with Him "where I go, you go".  More and more you will be speaking the Lord's words because you are yielded to Him.  It is going to "whet your whistle for more".  He's going to have more for you.  "You are My beloved".  He cherishes you.

Pretty cool, right?  It was definitely like God was speaking directly to me and the words about our relationship were so right on, it was good to know it wasn't just me that thought so :-)  You know, "does he like me as much as I like him?"  Obviously I know in my head how much He loves me, but hearing it in this way made is so very real, my heart knew it for sure.  The only thing I couldn't figure out was all the talk about my ministry.  I had just begun working for a Christian adoption agency as a birth parent counselor and adoptive family caseworker, but I didn't really identify it as my ministry.  But I didn't have any other ministry that I could think of.  And I certainly didn't think I was creative!  I went away feeling so loved and certainly blessed, but a bit confused.

If you've read my posts from the past year, you know I've recently discovered my creativity.  It wasn't until about a year after this conference that I began singing on the worship team at church and another year after that before I began playing the piano again at home.  And while I absolutely love doing that and feel so privileged to do so, I couldn't help doubting my abilities, that I was good enough to have anybody listen to me.  I also thought this can't be it, there must be something more I should be doing that I'm just missing.  Recently, I've had quite a few people tell me how much they love when I sing on the worship team.  At first I thought they were just being nice and I appreciated the encouragement.  But more and more people started commenting to me that something about me worshiping brought them to a place of worship, also.  I couldn't really figure out what this meant, but wow what an awesome responsibility and not one I felt ready or equipped to handle!

Then, a couple weeks ago I had the opportunity to spend some time alone with God.  This just doesn't happen often for me.  I was aching for this time with Him, knowing there was stuff He needed to tell me, I just needed to be in a place to really listen.  I settled into a quiet area outside surrounded by nature with my Bible and a notebook, ready and waiting for all God had to reveal to me.  What He told me is "there's not more."  Huh?  He told me I'm doing what He wants me to.  He did not make me a performer, a songwriter, a recording artist, or a concert pianist.  He created me to worship Him with a heart completely yielded to Him.  And when I do my love for Him, my awe for Him, is apparent to everyone around me.  I guess that's why I feel so alive when I worship, whether it's on stage, in the back row at church, or in my car.  It certainly "whets my whistle for more"!  So for now, and for as long as He calls me for this purpose and allows me the privilege of doing so, I'll use the gifts He's given me, not because they're so amazing, but because He gave them to me and He can make something of them.