I'm going to go ahead and skip over the apologies and excuses for not having written for so long. There's a reason, maybe someday I'll write about it. But today...
It's always this time of year more than any other that I really want my kids to get it. I desire for them to really see Jesus, to get the specialness of His birth, to get the reason we celebrate Christmas. (And, yes, I know specialness isn't really a word, I just like it, so I'm using it!) But every year I begin to stress out a bit that it's not happening. There's possibly some comparison going on as I see the traditions and fun other moms post about all over Facebook. And I love the traditions I see happening, I love that my friends' children will look back with such fond memories of Christmas! But I just can't seem to fathom making it happen in my home. I mean, there's still work to do, meals to plan and make, a home to keep in some sort of order, homework and sports, and, and, and. Then there's all the parties, food-making for these parties and present making/buying on top of it all. It's all a little much for this mom. I run out of time and energy to make it special and then my kids are acting greedy and I'm yelling at them for not being grateful and then I'm blogging about the epic fail Christmas is in our home.
But this year I've consciously changed my focus. Instead of trying to add things or activities or really anything requiring extra time or energy to make the season special, I've decided to focus on me. No, I haven't gotten a massage or pampered myself. I've decided to focus on my attitude, my heart and the state of gratefulness (or lack of) that it's in. I've decided it's more important for my kids to see me living out the specialness of the season than doing things to make it special. I'm slowing down, spending lots of time in prayer and reflection, spending quality time with the people I love, serving others where I have the opportunity (and with a happy heart), and giving up on anything that brings stress or "shoulds" to my life.
I don't know if my kids get it, honestly. Of course, I think my kids are amazing, but as of now, I don't see especially cheerful, giving hearts in them. But my hope is that when they look back on Christmas next year and years down the road, they won't have memories of a crazy, stressed out mom. They also won't have memories of concrete, fun yearly traditions (I just have to face that it's not happening here). Hopefully what they'll remember is a mom who really loved Jesus and lived that out. That they'll remember a mom truly touched by the birth of her Savior, able to put everything else aside and revel in that, especially during the Christmas season.
