Wow, it's been a long, crazy summer. I have a feeling we have many more of them to come! I think we're done travelling, baseball has turned into soccer and we're gearing up for school. One of the best parts about summer for me is the annual girls trip I get to go on. My husband is kind enough to let me go, my in-laws are crazy enough to watch my children and I get to spend a week with some amazing women I love being around. One of my favorite parts of the girls trip this year was spending every morning outside, each of us with our own bible, devotional and journal spending time with God and each other for hours. My journal has never been so full!
The book I read during these special mornings was The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus by Brennan Manning. If you have never read any of his books, you should. I have been so impacted by everything I've read by him. God really spoke to me about a lot of things through reading this book, but one of the main things he revealed to me was regarding transparency. I started this blog with the desire to be transparent, to let others know there's somebody else out there who doesn't have it all together and isn't afraid to show it! I still think it's a good idea, I always feel better when I know I'm not the only one who's ever been through a rocky marriage, lost a sippy cup of milk under the couch for a week, or forgotten my kids piano lessons three weeks in a row. Yep, three weeks. Surely I'm not the only one who's done those things, right? I truly have the desire to be transparent by always being open and honest about my struggles, failures and successes, but God has shown me that it sometimes just sounds self-deprecating and drawing attention to myself in a different way. So here's another area I need to find some balance. How can I be transparent without just drawing attention to myself, seeking the approval of others in a negative way?
Brennan Manning says "The bottom line is that the transparent Christian resembles Jesus, becomes a professional lover who is motivated by compassion in all that he or she thinks, says and does." So the best way I can think to find this balance is, instead of drawing attention to myself and my struggles, I use those struggles to compel me to compassion for others in their struggles. I realize I used the word struggle in that sentence much more than is probably necessary. The point is, I need to let compassion drive all I think, say and do rather than just the desire to be transparent. I've been going about this transparency thing all wrong! It's all well and good to write about being transparent, put out all my "stuff" here for you all to read and identify with, but if I'm not using that stuff to compel me to compassion it doesn't mean anything. My new prayer is, "Lord, help me to see your children through your eyes, give me your compassion and love for those around me. Help me pay attention to the part of me that breaks for others and help me DO something instead of just feeling." I want to be a professional lover!
