Decompression

I've been wrestling with my priorities lately and hating that I've been so busy.  However, I'm not convinced I've done anything wrong.  This summer's been crazy and I've been very involved in projects for work and causes I'm passionate about.  It's taken me away from my kids some, but they've also witnessed their mom putting time and energy into things that are eternal.  They've seen their mom care about people and causes and put that care into action. They've seen that there are things more important in the big picture than them having fun or being entertained every day.  I don't feel bad about that.

But now I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and ready to decompress a little.  And I think that's okay, too.  I'll start saying no to big projects for a while and spend my time helping with homework, watching my boys play football and attempting to get my household back in working order.

As I've been wrestling with my priorities, I've been putting pressure on myself to be one way or the other. Either throw myself into my passions or wait on those until my kids are gone and spend this time wholly with them.  But I wasn't feeling good about making that choice, either way.  My kids deserve my time and attention, but they also deserve to see their mom using her gifts and strengths to help others.  How do I expect them to develop empathy and compassion for others or to develop a desire to stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves if they don't see it modeled by me?

I realize I may not be in the majority with this idea, and I'm okay with that.  I believe wholeheartedly that God gives us all strengths, gifts and desires of our heart that are very individual to us.  He may be calling you to care about people in a different way than He's called me, in a way that does not take you away from your family.  Amazing!  Live in that and thank God for it!  As for me, I have to learn to take my life in short seasons, some seasons for being very actively involved where He calls me and some for being fully present for my family.  He gives me strength and grace for both and I trust Him to fill in any gaps.

For now, I'm working towards decompressing.  If you're looking for some empathetic individual to take on your cause in this season, you'll have to find somebody else.  Ask me next year!