It feels like a lot of pressure to post something amazing here since it's been months since my last post. I'm sure I'm the only one even thinking about that, though! Every time I get an idea and start "writing" in my head, I dub it as not good enough and continue to put off writing. I finally decided I just need to start! So here I am, with a post that I'm sure will be far less than spectacular. Mostly this post is about my husband and I finally doing something in our parenting that worked!
Last spring I read a little blurb in a magazine about television time. The author described an idea they had to cut down on the amount of time their kids spent in front of the tv. She was pleasantly surprised at how well it worked and I really liked the idea so I presented it to my husband. He agreed it was worth a shot, but was less than confident that it would work on OUR kids. The idea is this: no "screens" Monday thru Friday. That's right, no tv, no movies, no video games, no computer, no PSP, etc. etc. etc. The catch is that on the weekend they get unrestricted screen privileges. We talked to our kids about it just to get their take and they surprisingly agreed it was a good idea.
I think it's important you know why this seemed necessary in our house. We had already set a rule that they get 30 minutes of screen time to use however they wanted. The problem was they would come home from school and immediately race up to get to the screen of their choice first. Then they would fight. You know the drill, "he's not giving me a turn!", "I'm not going to get as much time as him", "he's playing the game I want to play". This would go on and on. Instead of making dinner, I would spend this part of my day refereeing, aka yelling. I would inevitably forget the time and let them stay on their screens so I could get something done and then it would be dark, they would have a ton of energy and would inevitably start wrestling in the house. Then, more yelling. We tried many different ways of dealing with this, but nothing seemed to work for us. A change was definitely needed.
So the first week went as expected. They didn't complain about the lack of screen time, they did homework, played outside, complained of how bored they were, but definitely far better than before. The weekend came and they vegged. It was all I could do not to shut the tv off and make them go outside. But I didn't. They spent all day Saturday in front of screens and I seriously began to wonder what we were thinking. Sunday was better as we had a full day planned and they didn't get any screen time. The next week they didn't complain of being bored and never even asked about screen time. The weekend was jam packed full of stuff and they got very little screen time. The weekend after that they watched some tv and played some video games then went outside to play. Fast forward to November. They never ask about screen time during the week and never complain, it is just accepted. Weekends are surprisingly free of fighting and stress about how much time they spend in front of screens. We're so busy that they rarely have a free day on the weekend to spend in front of the tv, but they don't complain about it!!!
Here's why I think it works. Kids have so little control of anything in their lives. As parents we try to give them more control, more responsibility, but they don't always recognize it as such. The minute we told our kids they could do something as much as they wanted and we would not stop them they were all in. It didn't matter what they had to give up, they loved that they could have that control. We, of course, gave them the caveat that as parents we would always have the last say and when we said to turn it off it still had to happen, but they've never questioned that. It's so hard for me to let go and let them have some control, to trust that they are capable of making wise choices. This screen time experiment has been such a good parenting lesson for me. My job is not to make them act a certain way, be who I want them to be, or control every aspect of their lives until they're out of my house. My job is to slowly give them more and more freedom, act with grace when they don't use that freedom wisely and allow them to experience consequences that will help them learn what happens when we make poor choices. Right now, when they're young and in an environment where they are loved and accepted is the time for them to practice what they'll do with freedom. When they move out and have the opportunity to make all the decisions, I want them to already have that practice. I want them to know what it's like to make mistakes and still be loved and accepted even while dealing with the consequences. I want them to lean on Jesus and His grace because they've seen the example of grace in our home. We have a lot of work to do, but it's a start!
Monday, November 12, 2012
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Transparent Again
Wow, it's been a long, crazy summer. I have a feeling we have many more of them to come! I think we're done travelling, baseball has turned into soccer and we're gearing up for school. One of the best parts about summer for me is the annual girls trip I get to go on. My husband is kind enough to let me go, my in-laws are crazy enough to watch my children and I get to spend a week with some amazing women I love being around. One of my favorite parts of the girls trip this year was spending every morning outside, each of us with our own bible, devotional and journal spending time with God and each other for hours. My journal has never been so full!
The book I read during these special mornings was The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus by Brennan Manning. If you have never read any of his books, you should. I have been so impacted by everything I've read by him. God really spoke to me about a lot of things through reading this book, but one of the main things he revealed to me was regarding transparency. I started this blog with the desire to be transparent, to let others know there's somebody else out there who doesn't have it all together and isn't afraid to show it! I still think it's a good idea, I always feel better when I know I'm not the only one who's ever been through a rocky marriage, lost a sippy cup of milk under the couch for a week, or forgotten my kids piano lessons three weeks in a row. Yep, three weeks. Surely I'm not the only one who's done those things, right? I truly have the desire to be transparent by always being open and honest about my struggles, failures and successes, but God has shown me that it sometimes just sounds self-deprecating and drawing attention to myself in a different way. So here's another area I need to find some balance. How can I be transparent without just drawing attention to myself, seeking the approval of others in a negative way?
Brennan Manning says "The bottom line is that the transparent Christian resembles Jesus, becomes a professional lover who is motivated by compassion in all that he or she thinks, says and does." So the best way I can think to find this balance is, instead of drawing attention to myself and my struggles, I use those struggles to compel me to compassion for others in their struggles. I realize I used the word struggle in that sentence much more than is probably necessary. The point is, I need to let compassion drive all I think, say and do rather than just the desire to be transparent. I've been going about this transparency thing all wrong! It's all well and good to write about being transparent, put out all my "stuff" here for you all to read and identify with, but if I'm not using that stuff to compel me to compassion it doesn't mean anything. My new prayer is, "Lord, help me to see your children through your eyes, give me your compassion and love for those around me. Help me pay attention to the part of me that breaks for others and help me DO something instead of just feeling." I want to be a professional lover!
The book I read during these special mornings was The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus by Brennan Manning. If you have never read any of his books, you should. I have been so impacted by everything I've read by him. God really spoke to me about a lot of things through reading this book, but one of the main things he revealed to me was regarding transparency. I started this blog with the desire to be transparent, to let others know there's somebody else out there who doesn't have it all together and isn't afraid to show it! I still think it's a good idea, I always feel better when I know I'm not the only one who's ever been through a rocky marriage, lost a sippy cup of milk under the couch for a week, or forgotten my kids piano lessons three weeks in a row. Yep, three weeks. Surely I'm not the only one who's done those things, right? I truly have the desire to be transparent by always being open and honest about my struggles, failures and successes, but God has shown me that it sometimes just sounds self-deprecating and drawing attention to myself in a different way. So here's another area I need to find some balance. How can I be transparent without just drawing attention to myself, seeking the approval of others in a negative way?
Brennan Manning says "The bottom line is that the transparent Christian resembles Jesus, becomes a professional lover who is motivated by compassion in all that he or she thinks, says and does." So the best way I can think to find this balance is, instead of drawing attention to myself and my struggles, I use those struggles to compel me to compassion for others in their struggles. I realize I used the word struggle in that sentence much more than is probably necessary. The point is, I need to let compassion drive all I think, say and do rather than just the desire to be transparent. I've been going about this transparency thing all wrong! It's all well and good to write about being transparent, put out all my "stuff" here for you all to read and identify with, but if I'm not using that stuff to compel me to compassion it doesn't mean anything. My new prayer is, "Lord, help me to see your children through your eyes, give me your compassion and love for those around me. Help me pay attention to the part of me that breaks for others and help me DO something instead of just feeling." I want to be a professional lover!
Monday, June 4, 2012
Balance
I think before I begin I need to give you an idea of what a week in our family looks like. I promise I'm not trying to win a contest for the busiest family, I know we wouldn't win and it's not something I want to win at!! So here it is. Sunday is church which begins with set-up at 7:30 am and ends somewhere around 12:30 when everything is finally put back in the trailer. Life Team Sunday afternoon/evening. Monday middle child baseball game. Tuesday I work most of the day, middle child piano lesson, oldest child baseball game. Wednesday middle child baseball game, oldest child baseball practice. Thursday I work again, oldest child baseball game. Friday-nothing scheduled but that ALWAYS changes. Saturday usually yard work that my husband doesn't have time for during the week due to coaching both boys in baseball! So days are not so bad right now because it's summertime, but we're at the baseball field four nights of the week! What in the world am I supposed to do about dinner? How am I ever going to get the little guy to bed at a decent time? I'm sure some of you think I'm crazy for stressing about this type of schedule, but I am indeed stressing.
I know sports are important for kids social as well as physical development and I want my kids to have the opportunity to try a bunch of sports, activities, etc., while they're young so they can narrow them down by the time they get to jr. high/high school. BUT, I hate having our family running a million different directions all the time and being too busy to cultivate our relationships with each other much less with other people in our lives. So my question to you is, how in the world do you find that balance? I used to think I had it under control. My kids were younger then...Now it's a constant struggle for me and I need to know if I just need to accept that this is what our like is going to look like until our kids go to college (and maybe even beyond that) or do I fight against it? I guess it would be a lot less stress on me if I were just to resign myself to the business, but I can't help feeling we're subjecting our family to unneeded stress. I start to see my kids getting exhausted, fighting, having an attitude with me and I see myself doing the same thing!
We have limited it to one sport at a time, but we have two kids involved in sports in different age brackets which equates to constant sports. My middle guy wants to learn guitar but must learn piano first, we're trying to encourage him in his interests. My oldest guy loves hunting (well, he loves the idea of hunting, has yet to pull the trigger) so lots of time is spent practicing shooting, learning, spending time with dad in the woods. How do I encourage them in their interests, talents and abilities while still maintaining some sort of stability in our home? Just one more area of parenting I have a great fear of failing at, am probably stressing over something that can't be helped, worrying rather than enjoying this stage in our lives, etc. etc. etc. But I would love ideas, suggestions, what works or doesn't work for your family!
I know sports are important for kids social as well as physical development and I want my kids to have the opportunity to try a bunch of sports, activities, etc., while they're young so they can narrow them down by the time they get to jr. high/high school. BUT, I hate having our family running a million different directions all the time and being too busy to cultivate our relationships with each other much less with other people in our lives. So my question to you is, how in the world do you find that balance? I used to think I had it under control. My kids were younger then...Now it's a constant struggle for me and I need to know if I just need to accept that this is what our like is going to look like until our kids go to college (and maybe even beyond that) or do I fight against it? I guess it would be a lot less stress on me if I were just to resign myself to the business, but I can't help feeling we're subjecting our family to unneeded stress. I start to see my kids getting exhausted, fighting, having an attitude with me and I see myself doing the same thing!
We have limited it to one sport at a time, but we have two kids involved in sports in different age brackets which equates to constant sports. My middle guy wants to learn guitar but must learn piano first, we're trying to encourage him in his interests. My oldest guy loves hunting (well, he loves the idea of hunting, has yet to pull the trigger) so lots of time is spent practicing shooting, learning, spending time with dad in the woods. How do I encourage them in their interests, talents and abilities while still maintaining some sort of stability in our home? Just one more area of parenting I have a great fear of failing at, am probably stressing over something that can't be helped, worrying rather than enjoying this stage in our lives, etc. etc. etc. But I would love ideas, suggestions, what works or doesn't work for your family!
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Hoarders
I'm on a roll here, my mind's been going non-stop the past couple weeks and I feel the need to get it all down. I'm not sure why, but lately I've been watching shows like Clean House and Hoarders when I work out. They're not particularly motivating for my workout, but they're just about the right length and I'm strangely addicted to them. Now, I'm somewhat in the mental health field and I recognize that some of these people really do have mental disorders. However, it is so hard for me to understand how these people can accumulate so much stuff (much of it actual trash, no joke) in the first place, why in the world they have a hard time letting it go, and how they can let it get back to the awful state it was only months after getting it all cleaned up!! I get so frustrated at this every time I watch. Hmm, maybe that's the connection. If I'm frustrated, I work out harder!
Anyways, yesterday as I was making my post-workout protein shake it hit me: This is exactly what I do with Jesus. There's this great clip we've watched in church a few times where Jesus offers to take this lady's bag of trash, she gives it to Him, feels so free and then immediately goes back to retrieve "just this one thing" from the trash bag. So here I am, accumulating all this sin in my life, carrying it around on my shoulders, feeling so burdened by it. Jesus reminds me that He wants to take this from me, I just have to give it to Him. At first it sounds great, "Yes, Jesus, please take it away from me!" But then I see all the little things He's taking that are really hard for me to give up and I cringe a bit, fight a bit, even hold on just a little bit longer... Eventually I give it all over to Him, love the feeling of being free from the weight of it, look around me enjoying things I hadn't been because I was so crushed by the guilt and burden of my sin. And this lasts a while. But then I realize I kinda liked that one little thing, maybe I could just take that back. It's only a little sin and it's not really hurting anybody. Oh, and that other one, yeah that wouldn't be a bad one to have back. Next thing you know I've got a whole trash bag of sin weighing me down again. Yep, I'm a hoarder.
I wish I had all the answers, how to stop accumulating trash, how to give it to Jesus and never take it back. But I think I'm like some of those hoarders with true mental disorders. I don't believe there's a medicine they can take that will make them not want to accumulate stuff, I think they have to wake up every morning and remind themselves to be aware. They have to deliberately stop and think before every purchase, force their body to clean something when their mind doesn't want to, be constantly on the lookout for their old way of life creeping back in. I guess I have to do the same thing. Be very aware of my sinful tendencies, ask the Holy Spirit for conviction when I want to stray, notice when I start to feel burdened and guilty. And you know what, Jesus will take the trash I give Him as many times as I need to give it to Him. He'll forgive me every time I screw up and try to take my trash back. That's just the way He is and I sure am glad there's hope for hoarders like me.
Anyways, yesterday as I was making my post-workout protein shake it hit me: This is exactly what I do with Jesus. There's this great clip we've watched in church a few times where Jesus offers to take this lady's bag of trash, she gives it to Him, feels so free and then immediately goes back to retrieve "just this one thing" from the trash bag. So here I am, accumulating all this sin in my life, carrying it around on my shoulders, feeling so burdened by it. Jesus reminds me that He wants to take this from me, I just have to give it to Him. At first it sounds great, "Yes, Jesus, please take it away from me!" But then I see all the little things He's taking that are really hard for me to give up and I cringe a bit, fight a bit, even hold on just a little bit longer... Eventually I give it all over to Him, love the feeling of being free from the weight of it, look around me enjoying things I hadn't been because I was so crushed by the guilt and burden of my sin. And this lasts a while. But then I realize I kinda liked that one little thing, maybe I could just take that back. It's only a little sin and it's not really hurting anybody. Oh, and that other one, yeah that wouldn't be a bad one to have back. Next thing you know I've got a whole trash bag of sin weighing me down again. Yep, I'm a hoarder.
I wish I had all the answers, how to stop accumulating trash, how to give it to Jesus and never take it back. But I think I'm like some of those hoarders with true mental disorders. I don't believe there's a medicine they can take that will make them not want to accumulate stuff, I think they have to wake up every morning and remind themselves to be aware. They have to deliberately stop and think before every purchase, force their body to clean something when their mind doesn't want to, be constantly on the lookout for their old way of life creeping back in. I guess I have to do the same thing. Be very aware of my sinful tendencies, ask the Holy Spirit for conviction when I want to stray, notice when I start to feel burdened and guilty. And you know what, Jesus will take the trash I give Him as many times as I need to give it to Him. He'll forgive me every time I screw up and try to take my trash back. That's just the way He is and I sure am glad there's hope for hoarders like me.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Hiding
The boys and I took a road trip a couple weeks ago. By boys I mean just my kiddos, the hubby had to stay home and work. You need to understand that I am not the kind of mom who plans and implements road trip games. I admire moms who do this and always think I probably should try a little harder in this area, but it has yet to happen. So road trips with me usually look like this: the two older boys with headphones on watching dvd's, the little guy sleeping (hopefully) or stuffing his face with whatever treats are interesting enough to keep him from screaming his protest at being in the carseat, and me listening to my music pretending I'm on a nice, relaxing road trip all by myself. On this particular road trip, however, I decided not to put up the dvd players. Crazy, I know. So I decided to check out books on cd from the library that might be interesting for all of us to listen to (aside from the little guy, of course, he's out of luck regardless). The boys took the news remarkably well and chose to listen to Shiloh first. I think I've seen the movie before, but never read the book so it was a new experience for all of us and the boys were surprisingly intrigued with it.
Towards the end of the book, while driving over Red Mountain Pass, the boy in the book made a statement that I have not been able to forget since. I think it's important to note here that God always speaks to me when driving over this pass. The college I went to required me to drive over this pass in order to get home so I have plenty of experience driving over it. I can't explain it, but I always look forward to hearing what He has to tell me on this drive. Anyways, the boy in the book wanted to buy a dog from a very mean man and had to work it off by doing chores for this man. Toward the end of his time working, he started to realize some things about the man and noticed that the man was very particular about his truck. He kept it perfectly clean, free of dents and was completely consumed with keeping it this way. The boy made note that the man kept his truck in perfect condition to hide all the ways he was not perfect. I was so convicted by this and have been mulling over it ever since. I figure if I can't get it out of my head, God's trying to tell me something.
So I've been thinking, what am I trying to hide and what am I hiding behind? Unfortunately, I've come up with quite a long list. I've been attempting to ditch the effort at perfectionism through this blog and remind myself and others that it's okay not to be perfect, it's okay not to be okay, but I don't think I've been reminded enough. It's so easy for me to get sucked back into worrying about what people think of me instead of just putting my effort into thinking about people. I desire to focus on relationships yet I worry that my house isn't clean enough or nice enough to invite people over. I desire to build new friendships yet I'm consumed with saying just the right thing, looking just the right way, so I chicken out convincing myself that when I have those things together I'll make that move. I want to be more involved at my children's school, but I worry all the other "good" moms who volunteer weekly will look down their noses at me. Really, I'm a mess! I somehow have myself convinced that when I have all these things together, then I can really get to the important things I so desire; deep, meaningful relationships, honesty and integrity in my life, glorifying God in all I do, a heart that reflects His, etc. etc. etc. God so wants to give me these desires of my heart but I have to stop hiding!
Towards the end of the book, while driving over Red Mountain Pass, the boy in the book made a statement that I have not been able to forget since. I think it's important to note here that God always speaks to me when driving over this pass. The college I went to required me to drive over this pass in order to get home so I have plenty of experience driving over it. I can't explain it, but I always look forward to hearing what He has to tell me on this drive. Anyways, the boy in the book wanted to buy a dog from a very mean man and had to work it off by doing chores for this man. Toward the end of his time working, he started to realize some things about the man and noticed that the man was very particular about his truck. He kept it perfectly clean, free of dents and was completely consumed with keeping it this way. The boy made note that the man kept his truck in perfect condition to hide all the ways he was not perfect. I was so convicted by this and have been mulling over it ever since. I figure if I can't get it out of my head, God's trying to tell me something.
So I've been thinking, what am I trying to hide and what am I hiding behind? Unfortunately, I've come up with quite a long list. I've been attempting to ditch the effort at perfectionism through this blog and remind myself and others that it's okay not to be perfect, it's okay not to be okay, but I don't think I've been reminded enough. It's so easy for me to get sucked back into worrying about what people think of me instead of just putting my effort into thinking about people. I desire to focus on relationships yet I worry that my house isn't clean enough or nice enough to invite people over. I desire to build new friendships yet I'm consumed with saying just the right thing, looking just the right way, so I chicken out convincing myself that when I have those things together I'll make that move. I want to be more involved at my children's school, but I worry all the other "good" moms who volunteer weekly will look down their noses at me. Really, I'm a mess! I somehow have myself convinced that when I have all these things together, then I can really get to the important things I so desire; deep, meaningful relationships, honesty and integrity in my life, glorifying God in all I do, a heart that reflects His, etc. etc. etc. God so wants to give me these desires of my heart but I have to stop hiding!
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Regular Birthdays
We have a birthday this week in our home. You fun, creative people are probably going to be appalled by the rest of this post. As much as I want my kids to feel extra special on their special day, I think I fail miserably every year. This is just one of those ways that my regularness comes out full force. Why can't I be creative and fun just a few weeks out of the year???? But no, my practical and slightly lazy side just takes over.
Here's what birthdays look like in our home. Every other year, the kids can have a "kid" party. On the opposite years it's just a family party or doing something fun as a family. The kid parties are simply cake and ice cream, presents and playing. I have boys, all they really want to do is play with their friends. I gave up on games and activities long ago when they kept asking if they "could just play". Sure, go right ahead. The morning of the birthday I try to have the "Happy Birthday" banner hung up. It's about 8 years old, ratty and falling apart, but it's a tradition. I make a yummy breakfast the birthday boy will like. Dinner is birthday boy's choice, made at home of course. Then they open the family presents. That's it. Woohoo. And so, I need ideas people! Not the plan ahead, spend hours making things kind of ideas, either. Just easy, spur of the moment ideas to help me make my kids feel special on their special day...
Here's what birthdays look like in our home. Every other year, the kids can have a "kid" party. On the opposite years it's just a family party or doing something fun as a family. The kid parties are simply cake and ice cream, presents and playing. I have boys, all they really want to do is play with their friends. I gave up on games and activities long ago when they kept asking if they "could just play". Sure, go right ahead. The morning of the birthday I try to have the "Happy Birthday" banner hung up. It's about 8 years old, ratty and falling apart, but it's a tradition. I make a yummy breakfast the birthday boy will like. Dinner is birthday boy's choice, made at home of course. Then they open the family presents. That's it. Woohoo. And so, I need ideas people! Not the plan ahead, spend hours making things kind of ideas, either. Just easy, spur of the moment ideas to help me make my kids feel special on their special day...
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
That Friend
Today, a story. Hopefully a story with a point, that is the goal. This story begins in 6th grade. Just the mention of 6th grade strikes fear in me and many others I'm sure. It was this year that I switched from private school where I had the same friends since I was 1 to public school where I did not have 1 friend. It was my choice to switch so don't go blaming my parents for doing this to me at such an awful time of transition in every child's life. I discovered this year just how shy I really was. By the end of 6th grade I had 1 friend and I'm pretty sure she only befriended me because she didn't have any other friends. We had nothing in common and she was really annoying. It was a long year. I have to add in here that God recently revealed to me just how much he was protecting me that year so long ago. My teacher was an amazing man I knew from church, had known all my life and he was so kind to me. There were a lot of bully's in my class that could have made my life miserable but they never once bothered me. I was ahead of most of the class in a lot of areas so I never had the stress of always playing catch-up. It was hard not having friends, but it could have been much worse. In 6th grade I learned that it sucks to be on the outside looking in, to never quite fit in, to go about life without a friend to do it with.
Fast forward to high school. I discovered sports, I discovered boys, I discovered extracurricular activities. I never discovered how to fit in. I still had a way of always being just on the outside of the circle, looking in, wondering why I wasn't on the inside, whether I really wanted to be. Things didn't change in college. I made friends with my teammates but our friendships seem to end outside the gym. My roommate was never around, I didn't party, I had no idea where to fit in so I just didn't. So, I got married. I was a good, supportive wife following my husband wherever his job took him. He made friends at work, I did not. We finally settled down long enough for me to make some friends, to start feeling a part of a community when we had to move again. That move filled me with despair and I was at a point of not wanting to even try anymore.
That's when I met That Friend. You know, the one who pursued me, who didn't let me off the hook after one meeting. The one who put herself out there and asked me to do things she had no idea I'd even be up for. The one I could talk to for hours and never get bored. The one who loved me and let me know I was worth being a friend to. God knew I needed her and he put us in the right place at the right time.
Fast forward again. Me and my friend don't live in the same state anymore, we don't get to talk on the phone much, but we do try to see each other whenever possible and savor every moment together. I've recently been feeling a little lonely and left out in my community, finding myself again in a position where I just don't seem to fit in. Wondering if I'm not good friend material, if I'm not nice enough, if I smell...I've been feeling sorry for myself. Not an admirable thing to do. A mentor of mine recently told me about a time in her life when she was pregnant and had moved to a new town. She was lonely, too, but a lady at her new church came alongside her, pursued her and became That Friend to her. It gave her a whole new lease on life. So I got to thinking, maybe if I stopped feeling sorry for myself, I could go out and be That Friend for someone else. Maybe we should all do that..
Fast forward to high school. I discovered sports, I discovered boys, I discovered extracurricular activities. I never discovered how to fit in. I still had a way of always being just on the outside of the circle, looking in, wondering why I wasn't on the inside, whether I really wanted to be. Things didn't change in college. I made friends with my teammates but our friendships seem to end outside the gym. My roommate was never around, I didn't party, I had no idea where to fit in so I just didn't. So, I got married. I was a good, supportive wife following my husband wherever his job took him. He made friends at work, I did not. We finally settled down long enough for me to make some friends, to start feeling a part of a community when we had to move again. That move filled me with despair and I was at a point of not wanting to even try anymore.
That's when I met That Friend. You know, the one who pursued me, who didn't let me off the hook after one meeting. The one who put herself out there and asked me to do things she had no idea I'd even be up for. The one I could talk to for hours and never get bored. The one who loved me and let me know I was worth being a friend to. God knew I needed her and he put us in the right place at the right time.
Fast forward again. Me and my friend don't live in the same state anymore, we don't get to talk on the phone much, but we do try to see each other whenever possible and savor every moment together. I've recently been feeling a little lonely and left out in my community, finding myself again in a position where I just don't seem to fit in. Wondering if I'm not good friend material, if I'm not nice enough, if I smell...I've been feeling sorry for myself. Not an admirable thing to do. A mentor of mine recently told me about a time in her life when she was pregnant and had moved to a new town. She was lonely, too, but a lady at her new church came alongside her, pursued her and became That Friend to her. It gave her a whole new lease on life. So I got to thinking, maybe if I stopped feeling sorry for myself, I could go out and be That Friend for someone else. Maybe we should all do that..
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