Screens

It feels like a lot of pressure to post something amazing here since it's been months since my last post.  I'm sure I'm the only one even thinking about that, though!  Every time I get an idea and start "writing" in my head, I dub it as not good enough and continue to put off writing.  I finally decided I just need to start!  So here I am, with a post that I'm sure will be far less than spectacular.  Mostly this post is about my husband and I finally doing something in our parenting that worked!

Last spring I read a little blurb in a magazine about television time.  The author described an idea they had to cut down on the amount of time their kids spent in front of the tv.  She was pleasantly surprised at how well it worked and I really liked the idea so I presented it to my husband.  He agreed it was worth a shot, but was less than confident that it would work on OUR kids.  The idea is this:  no "screens" Monday thru Friday.  That's right, no tv, no movies, no video games, no computer, no PSP, etc. etc. etc.  The catch is that on the weekend they get unrestricted screen privileges.  We talked to our kids about it just to get their take and they surprisingly agreed it was a good idea.

I think it's important you know why this seemed necessary in our house.  We had already set a rule that they get 30 minutes of screen time to use however they wanted.  The problem was they would come home from school and immediately race up to get to the screen of their choice first.  Then they would fight.  You know the drill, "he's not giving me a turn!", "I'm not going to get as much time as him", "he's playing the game I want to play".  This would go on and on.  Instead of making dinner, I would spend this part of my day refereeing, aka yelling.  I would inevitably forget the time and let them stay on their screens so I could get something done and then it would be dark, they would have a ton of energy and would inevitably start wrestling in the house.  Then, more yelling.  We tried many different ways of dealing with this, but nothing seemed to work for us.  A change was definitely needed.

So the first week went as expected.  They didn't complain about the lack of screen time, they did homework, played outside, complained of how bored they were, but definitely far better than before.  The weekend came and they vegged.  It was all I could do not to shut the tv off and make them go outside.  But I didn't.  They spent all day Saturday in front of screens and I seriously began to wonder what we were thinking.  Sunday was better as we had a full day planned and they didn't get any screen time.  The next week they didn't complain of being bored and never even asked about screen time.  The weekend was jam packed full of stuff and they got very little screen time.  The weekend after that they watched some tv and played some video games then went outside to play.  Fast forward to November.  They never ask about screen time during the week and never complain, it is just accepted.  Weekends are surprisingly free of fighting and stress about how much time they spend in front of screens.  We're so busy that they rarely have a free day on the weekend to spend in front of the tv, but they don't complain about it!!!

Here's why I think it works.  Kids have so little control of anything in their lives.  As parents we try to give them more control, more responsibility, but they don't always recognize it as such.  The minute we told our kids they could do something as much as they wanted and we would not stop them they were all in.  It didn't matter what they had to give up, they loved that they could have that control.  We, of course, gave them the caveat that as parents we would always have the last say and when we said to turn it off it still had to happen, but they've never questioned that.  It's so hard for me to let go and let them have some control, to trust that they are capable of making wise choices.  This screen time experiment has been such a good parenting lesson for me.  My job is not to make them act a certain way, be who I want them to be, or control every aspect of their lives until they're out of my house.  My job is to slowly give them more and more freedom, act with grace when they don't use that freedom wisely and allow them to experience consequences that will help them learn what happens when we make poor choices.  Right now, when they're young and in an environment where they are loved and accepted is the time for them to practice what they'll do with freedom.  When they move out and have the opportunity to make all the decisions, I want them to already have that practice.  I want them to know what it's like to make mistakes and still be loved and accepted even while dealing with the consequences.  I want them to lean on Jesus and His grace because they've seen the example of grace in our home.  We have a lot of work to do, but it's a start!