Alone Time

Yesterday I found myself with some unplanned alone time.  A meeting had been cancelled, the older boys were at school and even the little guy was at preschool.  I weighed my options which included laundry, cleaning, washing sheets, baking or taxes.  A good, responsible wife and mother would have chosen at least one of these options.  I've recently decided to give myself a break, though, on this whole responsible and good stuff.  So I decided to sit and play the piano and completely ignore all the things I "should" be doing.

This is still such a new thing for me, this being able to sit and play when I feel like it.  I found some of my old books from my piano lessons days and started playing through them.  They were mostly Sonatas and Sonatinas that I practiced so often as a child, my fingers seemed to fall right into place, remembering what to do.  It was during one of these formerly well-known Sonatinas that I became overwhelmed with emotion.  It was not a particularly meaningful song to me, it didn't bring back memories or anything, so I can't explain why I suddenly found myself in tears.  It's hard to explain and I realize it sounds so sappy, but something about playing felt so right, like I was doing something I was made to do.  And in my logical mind, this doesn't make any sense.  Nobody heard me, nobody was blessed by my playing, I'm not writing original songs or playing and singing "worship" songs.  Yet I felt so strongly that I was truly glorifying God while playing a Sonatina I had mastered when I was 9, totally alone.

When I was 9 I played the music my teacher assigned to me.  And I was a good little piano student, practicing often (too often, if you ask my younger siblings).  I liked the music, it was fun to play over and over until I could play without even looking at the music.  But I had no appreciation for the music, it was just notes on a page that I could make come alive on the piano.  I think now, though, I finally have an appreciation for the music.  Now I recognize the talent, the God-given gifts that it took to compose these songs.  And whether they were written with the intent of glorifying God or not, to me they do exactly that.  What a privilege it is to take part in that!