You may not be aware of what my real job is. As an adoption caseworker, part of my job is
to assess families who are wanting to adopt a child. This is the dreaded Home Study. It involves intense interviews,
questionnaires, autobiographies and a home inspection. These families open up their lives to me and
it’s my job to assess whether they’ve dealt with their issues enough to survive
all that adopting a child may bring at them.
Talk about pressure! Of course, I
don’t make this decision on my own, I just gather the information and give
recommendations. Every time I finish a
home study I leave thinking it’s a good thing I was able to conceive naturally
because my husband and I would never have a home study approved. It’s amazing to me how many of these couples
can honestly tell me they would not change anything about their spouse, that
they hardly ever argue, and that they can’t think of any weaknesses in their
marriage. Are you kidding me? I mean, they’re either lying or my marriage
is really messed up. Either way, this
last home study I did really got me thinking and evaluating the state of my
marriage.
If I’m being real honest, I would say Satan attacks at least
weekly trying to convince me that I should just give up. He tells me that if things haven’t changed
after 15 years, they’re not going to change.
He tells me I’ll never be happy.
He tells me that my husband and I are too different, have too much baggage
and just don’t love each other enough to ever make it work. And
you guys, each time he attacks me with these lies, I’m tempted to believe
them. I hate admitting that! I hate that I am so easily tempted to give up
on something so important.
Thankfully, I have the Holy Spirit sending off sirens when I
start to become tempted by those lies.
And thankfully, I’ve learned that when those sirens go off, I need to
slow down and focus on what I know to be true.
And here’s what I know to be true:
my husband and I absolutely won’t be able to make it work on our
own. We are too sinful, too unforgiving,
and too selfish. That’s why God designed
marriage with Him at the center of it. Forgiveness
doesn’t come naturally to us, but it does to God and He loves teaching us how
to forgive, over and over and over. I am
absolutely incapable of overlooking my husband’s faults and loving him in spite
of them. But God helps me to see my
husband through His eyes, he’s a sinner saved by grace just like me. How can I hold that against him? I am entirely too selfish, too prideful, and
too competitive to be in a successful relationship without Christ in the middle
of it.
I truly believe this quote by John Piper from his book The Momentary Marriage. He says, “The gospel of Christ crucified for
our sins is the foundation of our lives.
Marriage exists to display it.
And when marriage breaks down, the gospel is there to forgive and heal
and sustain until he comes, or until he calls.”
We sin, conflicts occur, our marriage struggles, but with God at the
center of it we are able to forgive, He heals, and we move forward. My marriage may not be home study worthy, but
it is a constant example of the healing, redemptive, restoring work of Christ. So I’ll keep moving forward, daily working at
it, praying, and keeping my eyes on the only One who is capable of making
something out of the mess we bring to the table.
